Sunday, February 26, 2006

The Jacket Revolution

If we have learned one thing from the history of invention and discovery, it is that, in the long run - and often in the short one - the most daring prophecies seem laughably conservative. - Arthur C. Clarke
So sometime over the last year (or more) Starbucks evidently developed a policy that is designed to limit the number of coffee sleeves distributed with their drinks. What this policy means to you and me is that if you are not ordering a Venti, you need to ask for the sleeve. As an avid fan of scalding hot caffeinated beverages, and a dedicated consumer of one of the most prominent scalding hot drink producers in the country, I find the policy a little counter intuitive. Let me rephrase, I can see it being intuitive to an unfortunately near sighted individual in a board room, but I see it as counter-intuitive when viewed from the perspective of the customer satisfaction revolution that is sure to be spearheaded by a one hand blistered burnt new age savior who will lead us all.

In response to this policy, I have invented a new Starbucks ordering method that will be sure to spread like wild fire across the land. My old order was phrased as a "triple grande with whip vanilla latte." This will now be modified to "triple grande with whip jacketed vanilla latte." This is huge. It may be bigger than the "The Way I See It" campaign. I will hold my breathe.

I tried "sleeved" as in "triple grande with whip sleeved vanilla latte" - but the "s" and "v" don't work in the drive through lane very well. Hard syllables work over multiple mediums. "Jacketed" will catch on and become the new hip, in the know phrase, of all caffeinated soldiers in the customer satisfaction revolution. It will migrate to slang. Your children will start using it in school. "Man, did you see that move, it was jacketed." It will be added to Wikipedia. Andy Rooney will use it as a generation gap expletive. Webster will come around. It may even make a rap song or two. And most importantly...

...your drink will no longer burn your hand through the cup.

PS - The patent hyperlink (Patent # 5,425,497) on the "sleeve" above is technically not correct as it links to the patent filed by Jay Sorensen, who rather than sue the coffee company who burned him, decided to invent the insulating sleeve. Starbucks eventually made, or went with, a competitor product. For a really interesting article on Sorenson and his relationship with Starbucks, go here.

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SINEDDIE said...

You Jacketted fool!
Just wear winter gloves!!!
I agree....looks good on paper, feels bad in real life.....
"Honey, do you smell pork roll?
No's your hands burning on your super latte mega-cup" don't have pork roll in the south do you?
It must be a Jersey thing!!!!

wilablog said...

Not sure if we have pork roll...we do have something called cracklin though. Fried pork fat that you eat like chips. Good times.